End of Life Services

The loss of a loved one can be a devastating time. The feelings of sadness, fear, loneliness and heartache, coupled with the stress of dealing with all the details surrounding someones passing, particularly if it was unexpected, can cause tremendous stress. Family members potentially have to deal with ambulance and hospital reports and bills, the coroner's office, insurance companies, locating required papers, and notifying extended family and friends. And if not already planned, they must selected a funeral home, decide burial or cremation, select a casket or urn, a viewing/visitation or not, service at a church or funeral home or chapel, full religious service or just a funeral ceremony, will there be a procession to the cemetery and something conducted graveside, and dealing with the potential shock of the costs involved. And all that must be done while grieving and trying to comfort each other. 

During all this, someone will ask if you have someone to conduct the funeral service. If the person was a member of a congregation, the answer may be yes. But for many people, the answer is no. The funeral home may provide a list of names, or a friend may know someone or have a suggestion, perhaps from a funeral or wedding they attended. That is where I, or someone like me, comes into play. We receive calls from the funeral director, friend or family member asking us to contact the person organizing the funeral. Sometimes that call comes from the organizer directly.  Much of the time, the person organizing things may not be the person, or persons, most directly connected to the deceased (particularly the spouse, or parent in the case of a child or young adult). It is often a son or daughter-in-law, sibling, aunt or uncle, cousin, or best friend.

One of the challenges of officiating a funeral is not necessarily determining what type of service they want (religious, non-religious, spiritual, etc), but talking with grieving busy people to find out what the deceased person was like. What did they enjoy doing, what was their personality, what made them special to their family and friends, what are some special stories or moments to share. These are the things one needs to know to help make the service meaningful. Plus information that is needed to help format the service such as: what type of bible verses (if any), did they (or those closest to them) have a favorite poem or story they would like read, or a favorite song to be played. Who will present the eulogy, do they want to open the floor to stories or comments from the guests. And all this must be done in a relatively short amount of time. Unlike other events I officiate, there generally is not an extended planning period. Often, the time between the death of the person and the funeral is a few days.

I will meet, over the phone or in person, with the person/s tasked with organization, as well as those closest to the deceased. I will gather the information needed to plan the type of service desired and create a general outline, then work with them to gather the information needed to personalize the service and assist them in creating the eulogy if desired. You can choose from a Christian, religious or non-religious ceremony, and within those categories the amount of religious or spiritual reference is decided by you.

A memorial service is a ceremony that memorializes and honors the deceased after the body has been cremated or buried. A memorial service has the same meaning of any other type of funeral service, to honor and pay tribute to the deceased. In many ways, a memorial service is actually quite similar to a funeral service. In a funeral service the body, or ashes, are present and it usually has several main parts: the visitation, funeral service and committal, which may take place at the end of the service, or at the place of internment following a procession. In contrast, at a memorial service the deceased’s body is not present. Because of this, there is no viewing/visitation or committal. However; the service retains much of the same structure: religious elements (if requested), a eulogy, readings, prayers, songs, and reflection. 

Another difference is that often the memorial service takes place weeks after the death has occurred. Sometimes this is done so the family has more time to plan the ceremony. For others it may be because family members may not have been able to all gather at an earlier time., or some key family members had been recovering from an illness or injury. Like a funeral, a memorial may be held at a church or chapel, but since the body is not present, they also may take place at people's homes, parks or places that the deceased was involved with such as a lodge, VFW/Legion post or golf club.

A celebration of life differs from a funeral, and even a memorial, in that it is often a more casual and less structured ceremony. It is often consider to be more of a relaxed and party-like atmosphere with guests attending to celebrate a life well lived. A celebration of life may still include elements from a traditional funeral or memorial service such as a prayer, blessing or readings, but is more focused on family and friends sharing stories, memories and remembering the person's life. These can be held anywhere. I have seen a backyard BBQ, for a person who was known as a grill master, serving his secret recipe ribs and chicken, and bottles of his favorite beer. An avid biker whose celebration started with a motorcycle ride along her favorite route and ending at bar and grill she frequented for years. Themed celebrations such as dress as your favorite character for a science fiction fan and a murder mystery party for a huge mystery fan. The idea is not only for family and friends to say goodbye, but to celebrate what made their friend and loved one special.

Since there is generally a little more time than a traditional funeral, after our initial phone conversation,  I will meet with you in person to discuss what type of ceremony you want and help you to decide what type of readings, poems, songs, prayers, or blessings will be included. I will then talk with family to find out what type of person the deceased was, and what made them special. I am also able to provide suggestions for celebrations of life.

Your personalized ceremony: $100 (includes the following)

• Initial telephone conversation. If you choose to move forward with me, then we will proceed with the following. 
• Additional phone calls, or personal meetings, with family to determine what you wish your ceremony to contain. I will also ask questions to help me understand your loved one better.
• I will be in contact with you as I progress with the ceremony; working with you to shape the outline into what you want it to be. You will be able to contact me with any questions you have.
• Contact funeral home/director to confirm details and any needed equipment (audio/video, etc).
• If the memorial or celebration of life is being held elsewhere, connect with venue's point of contact to confirm details and any needed equipment (audio/video, etc).
• Early arrival at your location to meet with you and funeral home/venue staff.
• Conduct the ceremony. 
• If you desire a full religious service in addition to the funeral ceremony: Add an additional $50.
• Travel up to 50 miles included (Always a little wiggle room). Beyond that, additional charges will apply. 
• Ceremonies on certain holidays will have an extra charge.
• You are responsible for providing extra materials for any ceremonies involving those items, unless previously arranged.
• An accurate price quote will be provided once all the details are known.

Of course, I am available to provide pastoral care for those grieving from their loss. Care can involve, prayer, reflection, talking about the person or what the future may hold, or even just holding their hand. There is no charge for this assistance.